This afternoon I received a phone call from my mother saying, Dad didn’t have cancer. Finally, after this unending waiting period, we had answers – and they were good answers. So why is it, as I stand here on my mat, bouncing up and down on my knees, I am lost in misery? Where has my happiness gone? All of a sudden, like the disappearing rabbit act… I feel like I should be shouting “and for my next magical trick!” But I didn’t have one. I had no explanation, no reason, no answer, no enlightenment or clarity around it…nada. Fine. So I’m bouncing – I’m supposed to be vibrating, but my lack of enthusiasm has me bouncing placidly in the same place. Sneaking a peek at the other participants of the class, I can see that they didn’t receive any great news today that would hold them back from “letting it all hang loose”. I’m taking my time, I decide. That’s right. I’m not moping; I’m taking my time. At the rate I’m going I might consider adding a shoulder shrug when the music picks up. My mind is so busy, I can hardly hear the instructor over my own mental droning – “I’m frustrated! About what? About everything! You should be happy…your mom is happy. I’m so angry!! What are you angry about Hanna? Ahhh!! I Don’t KNOW! Go back to the root… where does the anger stem from? Fear? Is that the right answer? You’re asking me? This sucks. Then why are you here? Cause I need it! Then stop complaining and vibrate! But I’m lonely…”(if you’re thinking what I’m sure you’re thinking at this point, which is either A: This girl has a small human living inside her head that responds to mental chatter, or B: Get on with it – I’m right there with you.) The next answer I got was very simple, and came with compassion, “You’re never alone Hanna.” Immediately, I knew this to be true, and at the very second of my acceptance - my feet began to burn. Heat erupted from the ground beneath me and rose up my legs, setting fire to my second Chakra. It was like Mother Earth was shouting to me in her great booming voice of all that exists, “I AM RIGHT HERE BENEATH YOU! GROUND YOURSELF IN ME!” My bubbling wells seared opened in a fiery jolt as roots erupted from the bottoms of my feet and dug straight down through the earth’s crust and into her molten center. My true self, in all her infinite wisdom, took over and, quite literally, plugged in. I couldn’t believe it! In my time of need, I received a personal IV in to the core of the Earth – beat THAT Western Medicine! The sensation was so powerful it was almost unbearable. Energy was coursing through me at the speed of light! My body moved like it never had before; pulsing fervently with the vibration of the center of the Earth. The fire in my belly burned out all stagnant thoughts and emotions from within, leaving me wide open and unequivocally clear. It was all perfect. The doubts, the fears, the immeasurable anger, the sorrow…perfect.
I began to cry – tears uncontrollably streaming down my face and onto my mat. With each tear I pried open my own heart, and the heart of the Earth opened herself to me. And for that Godly moment, I felt release. Just then, the music overhead began to skip, and Krishna Das’s repeated vowel brought me haltingly back into the room. The teacher thought it a sign to end the vibration exercise and move on, but the vibration continued to hum pleasantly within me. The rest of class unfolded beautifully, without much thought or trial.
Gathered in a circle at the end, holding a steaming cup for our ritual ‘tea ceremony’, I poured all my gratitude for the nights gift into the hot liquid and drank it down to my Dan Tien. I still don’t have it all “worked out”; emotions, stress, answers, etc… but I was able to find comfort in the unknown, and gratitude for the process in which life unfolds for me. With a gem like that, tomorrow will be much brighter. <3
